How To Have A Happish Holiday

AskDrDarcy just turned 12 years old this week. 

I started my blog in 2010 because all around me, people were vibrating at that frenetic frequency that felt contagious during the holiday season, and I found myself giving the same advice again and again, wishing I could put it on blast — if for no other reason than only to say it once. Also, to reach more people. 

The truth is, holidays are a complicated time of year. Everyone has their own unique associations with what the season means, what’s expected of them, and what they expect from others. But the common denominator is stress. We all feel it, even if the pleasure we get outshines the pain. 

And believe it or not, even though I’ve been shouting my straight advice for a dozen years, I’ve NEVER written a blog about the holiday season that’s as grounded in reality as I tend to be when I’m discussing relationships and mental health. 

So this week’s blog gives it to you straight in a way that almost feels pessimistic.

It’s my gift to you. If you can accept the list below, you just might have a happish holiday. 

9 Things You WON’T Get This Holiday:

  1. Rest. Hoping to catch up on rest over a holiday is like having a newborn and hoping for it. Everyone’s responsibilities expand during holidays.   
  2. Happiness. You may get moments of it. But happiness is an emotion and emotions ebb and flow. If you’re looking to freeze an emotion, you’re going to be as disappointed this year as you’ve been in the past. 
  3. A break from family drama. This is not the year when your family is going to get their shit together. Elders are going to ask questions that make you feel less-than. They don’t do this intentionally. They just don’t know what to say to you other than Are you seeing anyone special? The perfectionists are not going to suddenly calm the fuck down. And the ones who suck at time management are going to be late. Again. 
  4. To the gym as much as you’d like. Which means you either have to make different food choices this year or once again, you’re going to gain the weight you do every year.
  5. An influx of money. Which means you’re going to be stretched this season. Like always. And like always, you’ll get through it. Don’t make dramatic and impulsive decisions like quitting therapy. Or the gym. 
  6. Harmony at the dinner table. Prepare for it. Know how to pivot. Or have an exit plan. 
  7. A commitment from the person you’re dating. At least not in time to bring them home for the holiday.
  8. Filled with a sense of peace. Unless, that is, you’ve been working towards it all year long. However you felt in August is probably how you’ll feel in two weeks. Plus a little more tired, what with the sun deprivation and added responsibilities that come with this season. 
  9. To bypass your grief. Holidays have a way of reminding us of the beings we’ve lost. Humans, pets, places and experiences — they change over time as everything does. Find a way to honor those losses this year, rather than trying to deny them.