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Straight Advice
from a
Not-So-Straight Source.

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Holiday cheer? Not this year.

So you thought holiday stress couldn’t get any worse? Welcome to 2020, when the things that historically justify putting up with the holidays are the parts we don’t get this year: Togetherness. Belonging. Community. I love the holidays. Gift giving is my love language. Cooking is my passion. Hosting friends ...
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It’s My Anniversary 🎉

10-years is a long time for any relationship - whether with a human or a blog. A couple years ago I thought about hanging it up. Letting it go. I’d been writing Ask Dr. Darcy for 8 years, was busy with other projects, had covered every topic - many repeatedly ...
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It’s Breakup Week

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Unless you’re in a relationship and it’s creeping up on December 11th. Tomorrow is, statistically speaking, the greatest day of reckoning in the calendar year - the day you’re most likely to initiate or find yourself on the receiving end of being ...
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Everything You Learned About Sex Is Wrong

Women. We feel compelled to reach an orgasm – with our partner as the facilitator. We want you to feel good and we know that watching us finish makes you…finish faster. If I can be honest. Which is why we fake it. Often. And at some level, you know this.    ...
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I looked through my boyfriend’s phone and I can’t unsee what I saw

3 minute read Prefer to Multitask? Listen instead! Dr. Darcy, I was looking through my boyfriend’s phone because I noticed he’s been glued to it in a way he hasn’t ever been. I was prepared to see that he’s talking to some other girl. Nope. That would be too easy.  ...
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Surviving the election regardless of the outcome

4 minute read Prefer to Multitask? Listen instead! As an outspoken liberal white lesbian social worker from New York City, I’d think the majority of my readers would be of a similar demographic - and I’d be wrong.  My readership is comprised of all genders, races, sexual orientations, and political ...
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Why do my partners keep trying to change me?

Dear Dr. Darcy:  I just ended things with the second guy I’ve dated since the pandemic.  I feel like every guy I date wants to change me in some way. They want to improve my negative outlook (hello we’re living in a pandemic) or they want me to be more ...
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Why I don’t feel guilty over my white privilege

This fall, I took a course called Whiteness, Race, and Social Justice. I wanted someone to show me the things I can’t see in myself – all the ways I’ve been socialized and educated to participate in and perpetuate systemic racism. I came to that class riddled with guilt over ...
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The 5 worst things to say to a friend going through a breakup

The days and weeks on the heels of a breakup are, for me at least, memories branded in searing pain. Time, which generally flies by, is suddenly measured in minutes, not days. My energy, the stuff that I often dial down so as not to overwhelm the person who happens ...
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Dear Dr. Darcy: I’m dating a closeted slob.

Q: Dear Dr. Darcy: Ever since my boyfriend and I decided to move in together, our relationship has been suffering. Actually, I have been suffering. He’s a closeted pig. A slob. He doesn’t pick up after himself and there’s no methodology around how housework gets done. As a result, I ...
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Think you’d never fall for a psycho?

He’s not going to show up for the first date swinging an axe with swastika tattoos in plain sight. And since men are 3 times as likely to be psychopaths (clinical term: antisocial personality disorder which I’m calling psycho), I’ve chosen to use the male pronoun for this post, lest ...
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Deal Breakers

Q Dear Dr. Darcy:About 4 months ago, I started dating an incredible woman and I think I’m falling in love with her. Before meeting me, she was single for 7 months and before that, she was with her ex for a year… When we started dating, she was supposedly ready to ...
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