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Straight Advice
from a
Not-So-Straight Source.

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I looked through my boyfriend’s phone and I can’t unsee what I saw

3 minute read Prefer to Multitask? Listen instead! Dr. Darcy, I was looking through my boyfriend’s phone because I noticed he’s been glued to it in a way he hasn’t ever been. I was prepared to see that he’s talking to some other girl. Nope. That would be too easy.  ...
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Surviving the election regardless of the outcome

4 minute read Prefer to Multitask? Listen instead! As an outspoken liberal white lesbian social worker from New York City, I’d think the majority of my readers would be of a similar demographic - and I’d be wrong.  My readership is comprised of all genders, races, sexual orientations, and political ...
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Why do my partners keep trying to change me?

Dear Dr. Darcy:  I just ended things with the second guy I’ve dated since the pandemic.  I feel like every guy I date wants to change me in some way. They want to improve my negative outlook (hello we’re living in a pandemic) or they want me to be more ...
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Why I don’t feel guilty over my white privilege

This fall, I took a course called Whiteness, Race, and Social Justice. I wanted someone to show me the things I can’t see in myself – all the ways I’ve been socialized and educated to participate in and perpetuate systemic racism. I came to that class riddled with guilt over ...
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The 5 worst things to say to a friend going through a breakup

The days and weeks on the heels of a breakup are, for me at least, memories branded in searing pain. Time, which generally flies by, is suddenly measured in minutes, not days. My energy, the stuff that I often dial down so as not to overwhelm the person who happens ...
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Dear Dr. Darcy: I’m dating a closeted slob.

Q: Dear Dr. Darcy: Ever since my boyfriend and I decided to move in together, our relationship has been suffering. Actually, I have been suffering. He’s a closeted pig. A slob. He doesn’t pick up after himself and there’s no methodology around how housework gets done. As a result, I ...
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Think you’d never fall for a psycho?

He’s not going to show up for the first date swinging an axe with swastika tattoos in plain sight. And since men are 3 times as likely to be psychopaths (clinical term: antisocial personality disorder which I’m calling psycho), I’ve chosen to use the male pronoun for this post, lest ...
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Deal Breakers

Q Dear Dr. Darcy:About 4 months ago, I started dating an incredible woman and I think I’m falling in love with her. Before meeting me, she was single for 7 months and before that, she was with her ex for a year… When we started dating, she was supposedly ready to ...
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Why LOVE is Irrelevant to the Success of Your Relationship

Relationship success is a science. Long-term love has less to do with the falling part than it does with the maintaining part. We’re all familiar with the falling, if not through first-hand experience then from movies, music and social media. Society loves to highlight the beginnings of relationships: The meeting, ...
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7 Things To Never Do In A Relationship

Of the many topics I write about, RELATIONSHIPS top them. I am literally inundated with questions about what people should and shouldn’t do in relationships, how certain scenarios should be handled, and when it’s time to pull the plug. In light of this, here is an incomplete list of things you ...
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How do I choose between a guy and my best friend?

Q: Dear Darcy, I ended up sleeping with my best friend’s ex and now she hates me... A couple of weeks before I did it I asked her hypothetically if it would be okay and she said no, however, when I [slept with him] she and I were having severe ...
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7 Ways To Spot A Cheater

It’s impossible to cheat-proof your relationship. That’s the first truth about cheating, and it’s probably why I personally don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it in my own relationship. A cheater’s going to cheat no matter how intently you try to micromanage their behaviors. You simply can’t be ...
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