Sex During Lockdown

Q

My boyfriend and I were together 3 months before lockdown started and because he was basically at my place all the time, we decided he’d stay with me until things opened up again.

Today is 6 months we’ve been together and our sex life has flatlined. I’m lucky if we have sex twice a week. He’s willing to have sex when I ask for it, but I feel like if I never asked for it again, we’d have it like once a month if that.

Are we just incompatible?

A

What you’re telling me is that if you initiate sex, you generally get it. Which tells me that the issue isn’t your sexual need, it’s your ego.

Read More

For Better or For Worse

“For better or for worse.”

It’s probably the most widely used phrase exchanged in wedding ceremonies.
And I have a problem with it.

I’m all for making a commitment to the person I love.
And I’m all for loyalty.

And I’ll tell you a secret: When I love someone, I love them forever – and that love is unconditional.
But I don’t have a relationship in the world that is unconditional.

Let me repeat myself: I can love you unconditionally, but I will not be in a relationship with you unconditionally.

Read More

My family drama – the conclusion.

Seven weeks after the first case of COVID appeared in the United States, my 88-year old mother fell and broke her hip, propelling her into a rehabilitation facility largely occupied by the elderly.

That accident alone would have taken up my rapidly depleting bandwidth as the proceeding weeks saw my workload increase in proportion to the spread of the pandemic, but the incident also thrust me into communication with an estranged sibling, and my mother’s care plan became the tug of war between us, with me pulling on one end to have her recover in my home so she wouldn’t get COVID, and him pulling on the other, concerned that an early discharge would mean she might not walk again.

He is my mother’s power of attorney, so he won. And then she caught COVID, which is where I left off.

Since publishing this story, I’ve been inundated by emails asking about the outcome, and although I tried to write it for over a week, I found it impossible to do while I was living it. I needed a minute to let it settle in me.

Thank you for your outreach and concern. Here’s the conclusion.

Read More

This is how to have a tough conversation

Admit it: The term we have to talk sends a little shiver up your spine. It’s probably one of the most universally dreaded statements. I’m not sure if it’s worse to be on the receiving or giving end, but for today’s purpose, I’m going to teach you how to be on the giving end (without ever uttering that sentence).

So grab your balls, your ovaries, or your equivalent thereof and click below for a step-by-step guide on how to get to the other side of a difficult conversation.

Read More

The Problem with Trying to Pick a Better Partner

I used to wish I was conflict avoidant. Those couples always seem so content; their unexpressed gripes so well controlled, politely pasted into plastic smiles which most people mistake for happiness.

I never had that kind of self-control.

I come from fighters. A whole family of people who pride themselves on being real and honest and a go fuck yourself if you don’t like it mentality.

The thing is, if you don’t heal it, you marry it. Or recreate it. So this week I bring you a cautionary tale about the misguided notion that, when it comes to partners, you can “pick” your way to the perfect relationship.

Read More