It’s not that I’m a grudge holder. Really. In fact, several years ago when I catapulted myself into a journey of forgiveness for someone who had wronged me, I measured my capacity for forgiveness at the outset, and it turned out I’m in the normal-range of forgivers.

It’s the apology that sets my teeth on edge. Because here’s how it usually plays out:

ME: Here’s why you hurt my feelings… (I tell you how you hurt my feelings).

YOU: I’m sorry. I can see why your feelings were hurt. It wasn’t my intention.

ME: Thank you.

And then, it happens again.

Here’s what I want instead…

Don’t apologize. Instead do this.

Q

Dr. Darcy,

I’m having some sexual issues with my boyfriend. We started dating just before the pandemic. By the time we were out of lockdown I was so sexually deprived that every time we hooked up, we bypassed foreplay and got right to sex.

Now that we’ve been having sex for a month, I find myself missing and needing foreplay. He mentioned to me once in the beginning that the only negative feedback he ever got from an ex was that he didn’t do foreplay.

Is there a way to address this with him?

A

I’m going to go on a rant for a second:

Straight Men (or should I say, Straight boys), WTF is up with the absence of foreplay? Do you not realize that what makes a person amazing in bed is the ability to please your partner?

Some of you are thinking: The problem is that they learn how to have sex from porn, to which I’ll say, As did my generation – and I have never had a sexual experience with a man who didn’t engage in foreplay. And at a skilled level, I’ll add. You’re welcome, my exes. And thank you.

Back to your question:

Millennials: We’re all fucking fatigued. You’re exhausted from COVID and I’m exhausted from having to motivate you to take it seriously.

This was originally written as a text to the two of you I’m related to, but it occurred to me that others might need to hear this too…