I’m the first to suggest looking inward for the solution to relationship problems. There’s almost always something you can do differently to change the trajectory of your relationship. But sometimes, no amount of internal reflection, changed behavior, or LOVE will give you the happy ending you’re looking for. Because it turns out, love actually isn’t all you need in relationships.

Here are 3 signs your partner isn’t right for you:

1. You have to dial yourself down to remain compatible.

If you have to be You-Lite in order to be in a relationship, I think that’s just too high a price to pay. Healthy partners should encourage each other to be their brightest selves – not inhibit each other from shining or outgrowing the relationship.

2. All their past relationships failed because of their exes.

If your partner can’t identify their side of the street – their contribution to the problems in the relationship – you’ve probably got yourself a partner who will blame you for the problems you’ll have down the road.

3. They don’t believe in therapy.

Your partner needs to know themselves in order to guide you on their preferences throughout the relationship. If they haven’t done their own work, you’ll both be clueless about what makes them happy. Or unhappy. 

If any of these scenarios feel familiar, it may be time to pick a new partner.