My Live-In Partner Has Become Too Needy

I live with my partner and I’m discovering he is a needy person. He needs nice words all the time, wants to be together all day sharing things, he wants me to let him know if I arrive safely to a place, etc. It’s a long list.

How do I set boundaries without offending him?

 

 

There’s a difference between being needy and expressing one’s needs. I think you’re conflating the two. That said, there are creative ways you can compromise that might leave you with some breathing room, which it sounds like you need. 

Your guy’s love language may be words, but you get to choose how you’ll express them. Is texting easier for you than talking? Probably. You can also leave him notes around the house, give him cards, or buy him books that you think he’ll like. He just wants to know how you feel about him, and sure, at some level he knows how you feel, but in relationships it’s normal to want to hear your partner’s thoughts and feelings. The day that stops is the day the relationship begins to wither. 

You also need to tell him that you need a night for yourself every week. Pick a night — any night — and find somewhere to go. Take a class. Hang out with friends. Get some alone time so you can come back energized and missing him. There’s nothing worse than needing space and feeling trapped. Actually, what’s worse is being in a relationship with someone who feels that way. No one wants company that feels obligatory. 

As far as him wanting you to text when you arrive safely, this is the easiest to fix. Get an app like Life 360 and share your locations with him. That way Daddy, I mean your partner, can see when you arrive.  

I was making a joke above but it got me thinking…

I wonder if you’re picking up on his insecurity, which admittedly is a turnoff. Or… are you just not ready to live with a partner?  

Regardless, I always encourage people to try to make their relationship work before landing on assumptions that make you look for an exit. Because ultimately, you have to learn how to navigate compromises in relationships. You’re either going to learn how to do it in this one or at some point in the future. Because these are your lessons. Not his.

 

Writer’s Demographics

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: Straight