Dr. Darcy, I met a woman on Tinder and I really like her. We dated 2 months before making a commitment. A week later she told me she wants an open relationship. WTF? And now I feel like an asshole because what guy wouldn’t jump on the opportunity to sleep with anyone and everyone, with permission? But I’m really into her and I can’t see being okay with her sleeping around. Please don’t tell me this is my fault for going on a hook-up app when I was looking for a relationship.
Can we work this out?
Dude, vet your sources before you presume to call Tinder a “hook-up app” to the former Global Ambassador of Tinder. 😂😂😂 You really can’t make this shit up.
I say no, and I’m the queen of finding ways to work a problem. I just don’t see a way around this one.
Even if she agreed, it would be as if she were trying to change her sexual orientation. Short term, maybe…? For sure not advisable, and definitely not sustainable.
What we’re talking about is a difference in the type of relationship model you prefer. Similar to our values, that type of preference doesn’t tend to change over time. And just to be sure, I asked my wife, Steph Sterling, whether she’s seen any couples successfully navigated these waters.
DS: Have you ever worked with a couple where one wants an open relationship and the other doesn’t?
DS: What’s the outcome?
SS: They go into an open relationship and then they break up because the one who wanted monogamy can’t handle it.
DS: And what about the partner who wanted an open relationship? Were they happy during it?
SS: They’re usually conflicted because even though [monogamous partner] agrees, they’re usually white-knuckling it and [open-relationship partner] senses that and at the end of the day, no one (assuming they are moderately healthy) is really happy forcing someone to do what they really don’t want to do.
DS: So will either partner be happy?
SS: Eventually. When they break up and find partners who want [the same relationship model] they want.