Step Out of The Closet Before Pushing Others

Q:

After coming out at 18 I was in a horrible relationship with my ex-girlfriend for 3 years. My best friend at the time helped me cope and we started dating. It’s now been 3 years and I love him but I’m confused. I feel like I am a closet lesbian dating a closet gay man. Not sure if I’m projecting myself onto him but things are starting to not add up (never touches my breast, rarely have sex, no oral, his eyes light up from male attention, etc.). He’s a sweet guy but I feel he’s hiding something just like I am.

A:

The sex issues alone makes me wonder how you’ve lasted 3 years. Sex is rare? He won’t perform oral? Let me guess: he mostly likes sex when he’s behind you, right?

It’s amazing that you’re concerned by what he may be hiding but not so concerned with what you’re hiding.  If he were straight, would the relationship go on indefinitely?

Listen: You need to spend some time getting to know yourself and figuring out why you keep getting into (and staying in) relationships that at best are unfulfilling and at worst are horrible.

If you were my client, I’d ask you to commit to 90-days without dating. Set your gay boyfriend loose, buy yourself a vibrator (which will undoubtedly be more fulfilling than these past 3 years have been), and get into therapy to figure yourself out. Feel free to email me directly and I’ll help you find a good shrink: Darcy@AskDrDarcy.com

Gender and Orientation: Female, Fluid.