How to Deal with Grief
Q
Dear Dr. Darcy, What is “emotional procrastination?”
A
When you have a loss in your life, whether it’s a break-up, getting fired from a job, or the loss of a loved one, to properly process it, you have to mourn it.
But, most people try to skip this step because it hurts.
It’s super tempting to distract yourself with:
- work
- drinking too much
- food
…or any other coping mechanism.
The #1 thing I can tell you to do to get over grief is to face it head-on. The only way to heal is to work through the pain. There’s no escaping it (even if you feel like you may have escaped the pain temporarily).
When you don’t properly mourn, you’re basically signing up for it to bite you in the ass at some unexpected time in the future.
Here’s what I want you to do if you need to work through grief:
Set time aside each day for 30 to 60 days, for 30 minutes to an hour each day, and feel the feelings. Think about what you’ve lost. Mourn for the situation.
You have to sit and be in the moment before jumping into the next one.
This is just one of the topics I discussed with Harry Jowsey on his podcast, Tap In.
During the interview we also discussed:
- The difference between love and lust (← my litmus test is pretty simple)
- What emotional procrastination is and why you need to avoid it
- How to step away from a toxic relationship
- Why it’s so hard to start a new relationship with a clean slate
- How the partner you really want will never be attracted to you unless you do this
Also, make sure you listen closely around minute 26 when I tell Harry how to de-escalate a confrontational situation (the technique I taught him is one he’ll use for the rest of his life).