Signs You Were Raised by Emotionally Immature Parents—and How to Heal

If you ever leave a conversation with a parent feeling confused, guilty, or like you’ve somehow regressed into a younger version of yourself—you’re not imagining it.

Many adults are still carrying wounds from childhoods spent trying to meet the emotional needs of a parent who couldn’t—or wouldn’t—meet theirs. These are emotionally immature parents. And their impact doesn’t end when we grow up.

They might not have screamed or hit. In fact, they may have called themselves “good parents.” But if they were unpredictable, reactive, or emotionally unavailable, you likely learned to prioritize their needs over your own. You became hyper-attuned to their moods, and in the process, disconnected from your own.

Those early adaptations helped you survive. But they wreak havoc in adulthood—showing up as people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, and staying too long in relationships that don’t serve you.

I know this not just professionally, but personally.

My relationship with my mother was something I spent decades trying to repair. I tried every therapeutic tool. I wrote letters, made amends, went low-contact—then no-contact—and held space until I had nothing left to give. It wasn’t until the final years of her life that I found a way to coexist with her as an adult, and even that was likely possible only because she no longer had the energy to be as toxic as she once was.

Grief is complicated. But healing became a lot easier when the wound stopped being re-opened.

That’s the reality for many of us: You can’t heal in a relationship that keeps hurting you. And sometimes, the most loving act is stepping back—whether that means no contact, low contact, or simply letting go of the fantasy that your parent will ever change.

This week on We Need to Talk, I sat down with Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, to unpack what emotional immaturity really looks like—and how to free yourself from the grip it can still have on your life.

Whether you’re navigating guilt, estrangement, or the ache of unmet childhood needs, this conversation offers insight, validation, and tools to help you move forward. You are not alone. And you are not too much for wanting emotional safety.

Give it a listen.

Xxoo Darcy

 

PS: If this resonated with you, chances are someone you love needs to hear it too. Please share the episode—and if you haven’t already, subscribe to We Need to Talk so you never miss a conversation that could change the way you love.