If you’ve been following me for any length of time, you know that I’m all about personal responsibility – not in the capital R sort of way, rather, in the how did you contribute to the conflict you’re in sort of way. 

Basically, if you can’t pony up to your mistakes, you’re screwed when it comes to relationships. Because only by identifying your past mistakes are you empowered to change the outcome in the future.  

Which is why I find it so strange to be writing a blog post with this title. Because I’m always looking for what you, my reader, are doing wrong. 

I have ranted on and on about the necessity of asking hard questions on a first date. And I stand by those questions. You can read about them here

That said, if you are on a first date, the very fact that you’re on a date has some implications, and you are officially absolved of responsibility for asking the following (incomplete) list of questions: 

  1. Are you currently in a relationship?
  2. Were you in a relationship recently enough that a stranger might question your readiness to be on this date?
  3. Are you getting over a past relationship?
  4. Are you currently suffering from a traumatic event that you haven’t received therapy for?
  5. Are you thinking of moving away / relocating in the next 3-6 months?
  6. On a scale of 1-10, how ready do you feel to date?

So if you learn that someone you had one or more dates with falls into any of the categories above, I don’t think there’s anything you could have done to bypass that situation. That said, choosing to proceed after learning that your date is in any of these situations is a completely different story.