Do not read if you want to believe in fairy tales
If you want a long-term relationship to last, you have to change the grammatical association you have with the word Love (more on this in a moment).
If instead, you insist on viewing love as an emotion, your stubbornness will propel you into the > 50% club of divorcees.
I have a very rational explanation for this:
Emotions come and go. They ebb and flow. They aren’t consistent.
Viewing love as an emotion and hoping it will last for the rest of your life is the functional equivalent of wanting to be ‘happy’ or ‘excited’ – forever.
If you’re having trouble accepting this truth, think back to 2018’s New Year’s Resolution. Or your last diet. Or your last commitment to a new workout regimen.
The reason people fail to create new long-term habits boils down to this: They rely on motivation to propel them to take consistent action. And motivation is an emotion, which comes and goes. It isn’t consistent. Therefore, it isn’t a reliable fuel source.
Love needs to be viewed as a verb.
It is something you do, like parenting.
How much happier would you be if, instead of relying on your partner to keep you feeling love, you committed yourself to behaving in a loving way each day?
Ultimately, your life is nothing more than the culmination of your daily habits.
It’s the choices you make daily.
Choose the salad and grilled fish for dinner more than the pasta – you’ll feel and look better.
Choose a run instead of the bottle of wine when you’re stressed out and, over time, that choice will pay you dividends.
Choose to evaluate your own loving behavior at the end of each day – instead of evaluating your partner’s, and that choice will result in a different kind of relationship.
A long-term, happy one.