Dr. Darcy,

I’m having some sexual issues with my boyfriend. We started dating just before the pandemic. By the time we were out of lockdown I was so sexually deprived that every time we hooked up, we bypassed foreplay and got right to sex.

Now that we’ve been having sex for a month, I find myself missing and needing foreplay. He mentioned to me once in the beginning that the only negative feedback he ever got from an ex was that he didn’t do foreplay.

Is there a way to address this with him?


I’m going to be honest, I’m not sure what’s worse: Sucking at foreplay or not knowing if he sucks because he’s never engaged in it.

Here I’m going to go on a rant for a second:

Straight Men (or should I say, Straight boys), WTF is up with the absence of foreplay? Do you not realize that what makes a person amazing in bed is the ability to please your partner?

Some of you are thinking: The problem is that they learn how to have sex from porn, to which I’ll say, As did my generation – and I have never had a sexual experience with a man who didn’t engage in foreplay. And at a skilled level, I’ll add. You’re welcome, my exes. And thank you.

Back to your question:

Mama, I need you to grab your ovaries and have a straight conversation with this guy you’re dating.

If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for all the women who will come after you. Think of it as community service. Or as a PSA.

It doesn’t have to be super serious. Don’t try to look for the right timing (and note that the wrong timing is in bed).

Make it playful.

YOU: So, speaking of sex (this will be funny, particularly if the subject of sex comes out of left field), remember how I mentioned how sexually deprived I was right after lockdown?

HIM: Yeah (He’ll likely say this with upspeak. Don’t be dismayed. Carry on).

YOU: When I’m sexually deprived, I can forego the pesky foreplay and get right to it. Now that we’re in a habit of hooking up, I’m going to need us to dial up that foreplay. How do you feel about that?

That’s it. Easy breezy. After you’ve had sex with foreplay, give him lots of positive reinforcement by telling him how amazing it was. If you’re super descriptive, I suspect you’ll find yourself in round two before you’re done with the superlatives.

Writer’s Demographics: Female, Straight