Dr. Darcy, I was looking through my boyfriend’s phone because I noticed he’s been glued to it in a way he hasn’t ever been. I was prepared to see that he’s talking to some other girl. Nope. That would be too easy.  What I saw is that he’s been talking to his brother about voting for Trump. And he lied to me and told me he wasn’t going to!!!  

Now I can barely look at him. I can’t unsee that text.

I honestly don’t know if I can get over it. I would understand if he’s just a conservative, but Trump has no morals, no principles, is such a horrible human being that I can’t help but wonder what kind of a person would vote for him.  

Now he wants to talk about coming to my family’s house for Thanksgiving and I don’t know what to say. Obviously I did something very wrong by looking at his phone and I don't know how to begin to address this without looking bad.

What would you do?

 

I wouldn’t know that my partner voted for Trump because I would never have gone through their phone. It’s not that I’m morally superior to you - it’s the no-win outcome I’d want to avoid: What do you do if you find something?  Now you’re the asshole who breached his privacy.

Nonetheless mama, you’ve gotta come clean. I don’t see a way around it. 

You did something wrong, but if you’re feeling the way you say you are, the violations to the relationship ended with you looking through his phone - they didn’t start there. And that other stuff needs to be addressed. 

So what would I do? Presuming I “accidentally” learned that my partner voted for Trump? 

The relationship would be over. There’s nothing my partner could say to repair my opinion of her. 

Writer’s Demographics: Female, Straight.

Prefer to Multitask? Listen Instead!