How Do I Find A Relationship Therapist?

Hi Darcy,

 I’ve had problems in my intimate relationships for the majority of my life and never did anything about it. I know it’s time I confront it.

The problem is I don’t know where to start. I know most good therapists don’t take insurance. I don’t think I want to use an app like Better Help because I’m looking for someone who’s really good. And not to be arrogant, but ideally the professional equivalent of me in a therapist. 

I should say that I had therapy after college and it left me feeling like I was talking to myself. Is my expectation that I’ll see improvement or at least a path to it within a couple of years, unreasonable?

 

 

It is a completely reasonable expectation that, barring some outrageous troubles that place you on the most extreme end of the mental health spectrum, you see a path to improvement (at a bare minimum) within 24 months of being in therapy. That you even have to fact-check that expectation speaks so bleakly of my profession and quite highly of you. Here’s why:

People come into therapy having one of two dispositions: 

  1. They blame the world for their problems. 
  2. They’re willing to examine how they are contributing to their problems because they want to be part of the solution. 

The latter is the group that benefits most significantly from therapy and that’s where you land. 

But you’re not the problem here. 

The problem is that finding a therapist truly is overwhelming and can be quite time-consuming. 

Every week, followers, students, and people in my personal life ask me to help them find a therapist — and I’m happy to — because I know how tough it is to find a therapist who:

  • Actually has the credentials to do what they claim to do. 
  • Participates in sessions. Doesn’t passively nod and validate you or worse, doze off (as two have done to me when I was a client). 
  • Specializes in the specific problem you need expertise in.

The more I think about it, the more I’m feeling like I need to put a blueprint together, because to be honest, I probably spend a few hours every month doing this for people. I go through the same steps over and over again and it’s not a great use of my time. 

So, for the first time in the history of this blog, I am going to leave you on standby — sans solution — and in the next couple of weeks I’ll have a comprehensive blueprint put together that you can use to find the right relationship therapist for you. Promise. 

 

 

Writer’s Demographics

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: Straight