2 Guys At The Same Time?

Hi Darcy, 

I have a habit sometimes of having 2 guys at the same time: One that I am in a relationship with and the other I get what I’m missing from my relationship. 

I am in this situation right now and I don’t know what to do. The guy I am in some kind of a relationship with lives in the same city as me. The other guy lives far away so we can’t see each other in person but I can’t imagine not having him in my life in some way.


Let me start by saying that I have zero issue with you dating more than one person at the same time. As long as there’s honesty and they both know. But that’s not what we’re talking about here, right? 

What you’ve got going on is a situationship and a part-timer: 

The situationship isn’t meeting your needs, either because you settled or because you don’t advocate for yourself. That’s why you call it “some kind of relationship.”

Your second guy is your part-timer. He pulls just enough weight that you’re able to tolerate the situationship, which is ultimately not good for you because if you didn’t have the part-timer, you just might advocate for yourself or cut the first guy loose and find someone who meets your needs.

The good news is that you recognize the pattern. That’s where most of my clients are when they enter therapy. 

You know what you have to do. You can either wait until you get caught with the part-timer to change this pattern, or you can find a therapist who will support you so you can change now. Before your life blows up. 

Writer’s Demographics

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: Straight