Two Boys... And A Girl

Two Boys... And A Girl

Hi.  I’m a college freshman and have been dating my boyfriend since spring semester.  A few nights ago I had a guy friend visit from another school and we were hanging out in my suite with my boyfriend and sort of hooked up and had sex.  All of us.  The thing is it wasn’t so much about me and them as much as it was about them and each other.  So now I’m wondering if maybe my boyfriend is gay?! He’s very open sexually.  He’s always said that sexuality is fluid for most people.  I just didn’t think he was talking about himself.  He says it’s the first time he’s ever hooked up with a guy, but I can’t get the images out of my mind of how much he was enjoying hooking up with my guy friend.  I expected that we’d all be a little uncomfortable the next day and my boyfriend was so NOT uncomfortable.  He was like high all day over it.  No embarrassment whatsoever.   Am I making something out of nothing?

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6 Reasons Your Life Blows

6 Reasons Your Life Blows

Welcome to Tuesday's Tips at Ask Dr. Darcy! If you’re unhappy with any aspect of your life ~ the amount of money you have, the quality of your relationships, or your inability to reach your goals, it’s a result of 2 things:  The way you’re thinking and the way you are acting.

To get a new result, you’re going to have to adopt and employ a new way of thinking and acting.  It is that simple.

How can I be certain that you have to replace your current way of thinking and acting?  Because the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result, and I’m making the presumption that you’re not insane.

Below are the 6 most common irrational beliefs that create unhappy lives.

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Modeling Courage

Dr. Darcy, I have I very serious problem. When I was around 10 I was a model and stayed at my photographers house for a summer. Over the summer I was sexually molested many, many times. And my parents still don't know.... and it really bothers me and it is one reason I am depressed and I don't know how to tell my parents because I am afraid they are going to be mad at me. And I'm scared because my mom still talks to him...I'm just really scared and don't know what to do.

ANSWER

I am so sorry to hear that an adult abused his or her authority and molested you.  How awful.  And you are right – it’s likely contributing to any depression you may be feeling.  And it will continue to cause depression until you shift from being a victim to being a survivor…and that starts with telling your parents so that they can get you the help you need to begin healing from the abuse.

Let me start by telling you that no matter how it happened, it is not your fault.  Children are not responsible for maintaining appropriate boundaries – Adults are. And while I understand that you’re worried that your parents will be mad, I don’t think that they will be.  I think they’ll be grateful that you trusted them enough to tell them.  And I think that they’ll be relieved to hear that there’s a reason for your depression.  All this time they may have been blaming themselves.

If this person is a child photographer, he/she continues to have access to countless other children who are likely to experience the abuse that you did.  It is so important that you trust me and tell your parents so that they can make sure this photographer isn’t a danger to others.  I can tell by the words that you wrote that you have a survivor’s instinct.  Now I’m asking you to model the courage you need to tell your parents.  I know you can do it.

Gender & Orientation: Female, Straight.