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Carrie (speaking to her therapist’s other patient, who she just slept with): So why are you in therapy?

Guy:  I’m really fucked up about women. After I sleep with them I completely lose interest in them. How about you?

Carrie: I pick the wrong men.

 

Dr. Darcy:

I have a crush on the male patient who sees my therapist the hour before I do.  He used to come with his wife, he now is alone….and we have chatted briefly.   I want to meet him outside the office…but I am worried my therapist will not approve.

ANSWER 

This better not be one of my patients.  Ha! Only kidding.

If you’re are worried that your therapist will not approve, there is probably a legitimate reason why your therapist wouldn’t approve.

Honestly, I’ve never been faced with this situation so I’m not sure how I’d feel. I suppose my feelings would be influenced by what my client’s issues were. If you were my client and had a history of hooking up with people you meet under inappropriate circumstances, I’d raise an eyebrow over your crush. If you had a history of gravitating towards unavailable people, I’d do more than raise an eyebrow. We would have a discussion in which I’d point out to you the historical pattern you have of being attracted to individuals who cause you drama. Ultimately it would be your decision since, sadly, I can’t control what my clients do. I’m just the girl who helps them clean up the mess.

My point is this: Does this feel even vaguely familiar to you? The desire to meet someone who you know used to be unavailable and likely still is (divorce takes a while – as does grieving the relationship)?  Have you historically felt the desire to hook up with people who you meet under awkward circumstances – circumstances that would render the hookup inappropriate? If it feels at all familiar, I’d encourage you to open up a dialogue with your therapist so that you can recognize the pattern and not repeat the same mistake. I’m a big fan of making new mistakes in life.

Writer’s stats: Female, Heterosexual.


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Screen Shot 2014-04-16 at 10.32.49 AMHi Dr. Darcy:

I was wanting to know by any chance if I was gay or not. When I see two guys kiss, I get turned on so much that I feel… hornier than if a girl and a guy made out. In the past [I’ve had] had sexual dreams of having sex with men and it’s been such an amazing turn on for me.

ANSWER

Yes, I think that there is a very good chance that you are gay.

Writer’s Stats: Male, Bisexual/Gay


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Screen Shot 2014-04-14 at 12.29.05 PMHi Dr.Darcy. I am a teen who recently came out and I am having a hard time making sure it doesn’t make people think differently of me or interfere with family life. I don’t want to be asked a million questions by my parents about my sexual orientation because frankly I’m still not so comfortable about talking about it. Do you have any tips? Thank you so much! 

ANSWER

Congratulations on coming out! Now that you’ve made the declaration, you’re learning that coming out involves more than one conversation. It’s often a period of adjustment for both you and those in your life, and having questions fired at rapid speed often comes with the territory.

Generally speaking, parents suck at this part (even the amazing ones). There’s no manual for parents to follow, and often what works for one parent won’t work for another. If they didn’t ask questions or make reference to your sexual orientation, you (or a different teen) might feel invalidated or like they hadn’t heard (or believed) you when you came out. They’re sort of in a lose-lose situation. I’m telling you this because I want you to tap into some compassion for them. They’re simply clueless – which puts the burden on you to guide them.

You have to tell them what you want and don’t want. You might consider sending them this post for starters. The bottom line is that they’re not mind readers and you’re going to have to give them feedback (and set some boundaries) around what you are and aren’t comfortable discussing. Send them to PFLAG (linked to here) for some support and education. And let them know that you’ll initiate conversations when you’re ready.

As far as making sure that people don’t think of you differently, that’s a tough one – made tougher because we have no control over how people think. People will form whatever opinions they’re going to form – with or without your approval. And since you have no control over this, I suggest you focus on yourself. Connect with other LGBT youths. Make sure you’re getting the support that you need to adjust to being gay. And again, congratulations on taking this huge step. It’s an amazing time in history to be gay.

Writer’s Stats: Male, Gay.


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